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Category: love and relationships
Start Over
One morning I woke up happy and enjoyed playing with my kids that day. At lunch I got a phone call that a loved one had died. It was the most horrible day. 2 days later I woke up having just spread his ashes and facing going through his things and watching his life get parted out and walk away. I woke up sad and dreading that day wishing it would end quickly. But that night found me with my husband on a mountain making camp and celebrating the life we just said goodbye to. We were happy and full of a profound peace.
Who could have known when I started each of those days that they would have ended in that manner? And if these things are possible then why not others on days where I wake and follow the script society has left by my bed for me to act out. Up all night caring for a sick child and the kitchen is a mess? Do I have to wake up deciding that I’ll be miserable and tired? I choose to start over. What if I forget I was up all night and act as if I had a good night’s sleep? Been cleaning out the closets and you have awoken to stacks and boxes? Start over.
I faced being one of the families who endured a foreclosure. And as it got closer and I lived out each day, each month, each night of anger and pain, when the day came that it was no longer mine, who could have known the freedom and joy I would feel on knowing it was no longer my problem? Why did I have to make it so horrible? Because society says it’s a bad thing. But what if it’s a good thing? Then I just look crazy, but I feel good. And I have no regrets, start over.
I had a fight with my lover and went bed angry and woke dreading the talking it out. What a beautiful day outside I thought. I started over. My happiness was contagious and after coffee we found ourselves on a river in a canoe watching birds and rocks and fishermen go by. And the day was beautiful. Start over.
I had to buy groceries and pay bills and the day started with coffee and dread. Yet this was to be the day my son would tell me he loved me. One for the books to be sure. Start over.
What are these things we agree are bad? Why do we buy into them so easily and let the groups, the masses, say to us, this is who you are and this is how you shall agree to live your life. You shall mourn death and be very sad and if you feel happy too soon, surely something is wrong with you. You must dread paying bills and hate the grocery store and changing poopie diapers. You must fight with your teen and hate housework.
If you wake up and know that today you must clean out the garage, it will be hard and boring and you agree to get up wishing you could be doing something else. But what if you started over? What if in cleaning out the garage you also travel down memory lane and relive times that make you cherish the few years you have left with your teen? And what if you find items that neighbors could use and you see them smile when you hand it over? And what if after that hard work you soak in the tub and feel your muscles ache and you feel alive and like you accomplished something? Would you say that’s a good day?
Last night I went to bed having lived 2 days in one and my work incomplete, my husband recovering from surgery. I was up all night with him and then my son. Then the alarm went off.
Because when the messy den is the first thing I see and the phone is the first thing I hear I start over. Because those toys were put there by a boy that one day won’t live here anymore and that phone call will be someone who will probably earn me money. And those eggs I have yet to cook will remind me that I can feed my family good food and that I am a good cook. And when my husband is gone to work and I sit down with my coffee, to write and hear the silence in our home as my babies sleep, I know it’s a good day. Any day writing, any day with coffee and any day that begins with my husband’s face is a good day to start over. And after all, I wrote this article today. And you are reading it. And who knows how it may change you. So I was right when I woke up today and said, wow, I’m starting over. It’s a good day.
And you are now reading this because you were busy working or looking for something and then you found me. What happened to you today? Did you sit in traffic? Are you running errands, planning a trip or another day that will be good? Now you can start over.
Did you eat something you shouldn’t have, skip your workout and not drink enough water? Tonight you can start over. And tomorrow you can wake up knowing that today is the day that you are filling your water bottle and preparing to drink more water. And today you can take a few hours and take the kids to the park and run and play with them. You can make an extra lap and you can say no to a donut. And when you go to bed you’ll know you turned things around. And you made it yet another day closer to feeling sexy and beautiful.
So if you woke up today and knew you wouldn’t get to the laundry again, why not start over? Pile it up and put it by the washer. Write a note to a friend and draw a heart on a piece of paper and slip it into a lunch. Those alone are good enough reasons to celebrate that today you started over.
The Author
Teresa Bondora counsels others on the realities of losing weight, and support in the sciences. Check out her book and web site online at www.HowToTeachScience.com
How To Help Your Wife De-stress
To all the husbands out there – do you want to help your wife de-stress and take out some of the pressure she has at work and home? Check out the following ways you can do so:
1. Clean and romanticize the house. Nothing can stress a working woman more than coming home to a dirty house after a long day at work. If you happen to have a day off or you arrive home earlier, try to make your place a lot more orderly and romanticize it by either running a soothing bath or adding fresh flowers.
2. Serve her favorite drink as she gets home. After a tiring day, blow your wife away by having her favorite beverage ready for her when she comes home. Whether it’s her favorite coffee blend, some kind of shake, or a frosty iced tea, she’ll surely love indulging in it while resting.
3. Give her a massage. Of course, this is one of the surefire ways to fully please and relax a woman. I can’t remember a woman I met who doesn’t like massages, even once in a while. If you don’t know how to give massages, then now is the time to learn and surprise her.
Do you have more suggestions?
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Scared of the first date?
So you’ve been set up by a friend with a certain guy you don’t exactly know too well, and you’re nervous of how it will turn out. It may be with a long time crush you fervently want to impress but scared to do so, or someone totally new that you’ve got no idea how to act in front of. Don’t worry, almost everyone is apprehensive of first dates and you’re not alone. No wonder there are many first date guides in magazines and relationship websites. The following are just two of the more interesting tips I stumbled upon.
Look yourself. Do not waste your time trying too hard to look like someone you’re not. If you naturally love looking glamorous and trendy, then go ahead and be glam. But if you’re the type who’s more comfortable in casual wear, then don’t be afraid to go casual. After all, the point of a date is to be acquainted with someone and to know each other for a possible friendship or relationship. Trying to be someone different just to impress is like fooling him and yourself. Of course, this does not mean you should not look good. Do prepare for the date and be the most beautiful you that you can be.
Do not share or blab too much. So you finally sit on the date and find out that the guy is pleasant and likable. Before you get all comfortable and share your life story, remember that first dates are first dates. Leave a little mystery in the air. Even though a person may seem nice and attracted to you, it takes a lot more for you to really know if someone can be trusted, so take it slow.
Care to share your first date tips?
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Victorian Playhouse
I’ve loved playhouses since I was a kid. Simple or extravagant, I could stay in any playhouse and be in my own world for hours. This is why my eyes lit up when I saw this image of a pretty Victorian playhouse. Complete with all the works, this lovely play place is designed and built by Alan Mowrer and can be custom made upon your order. Just request what you or your kids want to incorporate in the house, be it running water or cable connection! You can even have a communication system in it.
You can choose from various house styles and colors. As for me, I fell in love with the pretty and elegant Victorian style house as it is. Definitely a perfect gift for any kid you want to surprise.
Are you too emotionally unstable?
They say women are the weaker sex when it comes to our emotions because we tend to cling more to our partners and fall apart when expectations aren’t met. Of course, a lot would also disagree, saying that it’s the men who are weaker and who really need us. Regardless of what your view is, if you find yourself losing control of your emotions and you’ve been told that you’re too emotional or unstable, it may be time to assess yourself and see if you’re still at the top of your game when it comes to relationships, career, or any other aspect of your life. The goal is not to be emotion-less but to strike a better balance for a more productive you.
For instance, do you find yourself unable to focus much on anything when your boyfriend or husband is away or out of town? It may mean you’ve become too dependent on the partnership that you forgot how to take on life just through your own eyes and goals. Having and depending on a partner is great but remember that nothing is permanent and at the end of the day, a great partnership is made up of two strong individuals who compromise for love and not of two weak individuals who can’t function without the other.
Have you been called self-centered or self-righteous? Do you feel that you often talk about yourself and your experiences instead of listening to what others have to say? Being too focused on your self is also a sign of emotional instability because you feel the need to assert yourself time and again. While it is not wrong to be confident in expressing one’s thoughts, doing it excessively just tells the world that something is wrong with you, and instead of getting respect, you’ll end up being pitied or hated.
Care to share your own thoughts on this?
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Tips on Choosing Bridesmaids
Your wedding can be one of the most important and beautiful days of your life. Step by step planning goes into this one special day for the bride. One of the things on your list of todo’s has to be choosing your bridesmaids. This step is often not thought too hard about by others. But this is a very important step that HAS to be done early. For the bride to be, as soon as her soon-to-be hubby pops the question two things pop in mind; the dress and the bridesmaids. Need some help choosing between your dozen closest friends and your long lost relatives, all of whom have now shown up because they want to be in the wedding. Here’s some tips on choosing those lucky few:
- How many – this is determined by how many people you want at the wedding. A large wedding will call for more bridesmaids. Smaller weddings mean you can have few.
- Choose those you care about – this is your special day, choose women who will be there for and were there for you in the past. You want the ones you love close.
- Responsibility – Make sure you keep in mind whoever you choose will need to be responsible. All the love and friendship in the world doesn’t count for anything if they don’t show up!
- Money – Being a bridesmaid can be a bit costly. If the person can not afford to be one, unless you are footing the bill, you may want to find something a little less expensive for them to do.
- You were in their’s, She has to be in mine – just because she made you a bridesmaid 10 yrs ago doesn’t mean you have to make her one now. It seems discourteous but that’s just how it is. Feelings change, maybe when she got married you guys were “bestest friends”, but now you rarely talk. Bridesmaids should be those you care about now.
Bridesmaids will play a very important role in your wedding. Choose carefully because one person can ruin your whole day. Make sure you surround yourself with love, fun and responsible people and your day will be great.
Ending a Relationship
Getting into a relationship, most times, seems like the hardest thing to do. Dating and then having to come to the point where you are in a monogamous relationship. Breaking up can be something most of us have a hard time doing. Because of this, we end with people we don’t want to be longer than we should. You need to understand that breaking up IS hard to do.
- Be really ready to leave the relationship – you have to know it is over and you are not going back, no matter what.
- Leave on good terms – emotions sometimes get in the way and you may be leaving someone hurt and diminished. You want to leave in a good way so that you won’t have to deal with, let’s just say a stalker.
- Make sure you are ready for any groveling or begging they may try – you may feel bad and start to want to try and look over all the issues and work it out. If you are ready to leave, leave. Don’t stay because of sympathy.
- Timing is everything – don’t kick ’em while they are down. If your not-so better half is having some hard times, this may not be the best time to drop the bomb shell. If at all possible, wait until things are a little more steady and then let them know, it’ s just not working out for you.
- If we can’t be lovers, we can’t be friends – Ex’s as friends rarely work. Do each other and your future relationships a favor, end all ties. You can’t be cool with an ex. Leave them simply as the ex.
- Safety First – if it was a turbulent relationship, use your good senses and don’t do a break up alone. Find the right way to end it. You may need to do it, a terrible option, by email or phone.
Ending a relationship can be the hardest thing you may have to do. Anytime a person’s feeling and life is involved there can be difficulty with your choices. Make sure you are making the best decisions for your own healthy relationship status and sanity.
Flirt without being "A Flirt"
Flirting can be fun and innocent. But you don’t want to come across as “A Flirt”. There a subtle hints you can give to let him know you are interested without coming on too strong. You don’t want to seem easy, or a tease. The key is to be low-key. These little hints can land you a date without taking the risk of being shot down.
Body Language – give off the correct body language to let him know you are interested. Make eye contact, stand near him, lean in to him when talking or listening to him, if in a group conversation innocently talk toward him. Try to stay focused to him.
High heels – High heels make you feel and look sexy. So, by wearing these you will demand attention when you walk by. You will also not that you walk with more of a twist and will feel sexier, hence you will look sexier.
Touch – When you are talking to him, find a time of conversation interest to touch him while you are talking. As an example, when you are agreeing with him, touch his hand as you nod, smile, or laugh in agreement. Seems fairly innocent while at the same time a bit flirty to him.
Stroke your collar bone – While you are listening to someone talking make sure you are in clear view of him and slowly stroke your collar bone/neck area. For added flirtation(if wearing a skirt or dress) rub your lower leg while it is crossed.
These are some great flirt techniques. Try them out and see what results you get. You are sure to get him interested and intrigued by you.
Teaching Kids To Save
There are a lot of basic values and practices every parent needs to inculcate in the lives of his or her kids, young as they are. These include eating healthy, how to treat others right, how to deal with problems, and more. But probably one of the most vital things parents need to pass on is the principle of earning, budgeting and saving money. Here are some ways on how you can teach your kids to save.
1. Teach the value of waiting. Many people find it so hard to save because they are not patient enough to wait for the right time to buy something. Often, when something captures their fancy, they buy it then and there, not taking into consideration certain factors that should be considered. Some questions to ask before buying something: Are there more important things to address and purchase at the moment? Will I be able to save more or get a better deal if I buy this in a few months’ time? Will I be more confident of buying this in a few months’ time after I have really saved for it? Compulsive buying is one of the fastest ways to run out of money, so make sure you teach your kids to avoid getting into that habit.
2. Stress the importance of saving a percentage for every money received. Every time you give your kid an allowance, encourage him or her to put some of it in a piggy bank or savings account. This is one good practice they can take with them until adulthood.
3. Differentiate between wants and needs. Communicating to your kids your own spending values and priorities can make them more discerning in spending. For instance, you can explain why you think certain things are just a waste of money or should be least prioritized as compared to the basic needs. At the same time, share how you indulge once in a while in a few wants and why doing so is okay as long as the basic needs are considered first.
4. Encourage your kid to keep a record of everything he spends and saves. This way he can monitor his daily spending habit and know which stuff he tends to spend too much on. Recording saving and spending habits also make it easier to set and reach goals.
5. Teach the value of hard work. Explain to your kid why money is not something easily obtained and that you worked and continue to work hard for everything you have. You can also have a incentive system for your kids and reward them whenever they work hard for school or for an extra project.
Care to share more tips?
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Head to Toe Beauty 