Am I Fat?

This is probably the single worst thing you can ever ask your partner. spouse, significant other, or anyone for that matter.  It’s a “trick” question, so guys be careful!

This past weekend, while PMS-ing I was getting dressed for some company we were having over for the holiday weekend for a pool party.  As I was putting on my bathing suit, I asked my husband if he thought I was fat?  I knew after the words came out of my mouth that the answer he would give me would be wrong, no matter what the answer was, maybe with one exception.  But I asked him anyway and waited for the answer.

My husband said that he loved me no matter what I looked like.  Well in women language that really translates to, “yes honey I think you are overweight, but I am not going to tell you cause you will get upset so how can you get upset if I say I love you?”.  Just when he thought he was in the safety zone… I was upset.  I said “I can’t believe you think I am fat”.  He said thats not what I said,  I said, “You did not say no honey you are not fat”.  So naturally you think I am fat.  Obviously this conversation went no place, and I was upset and he was upset and we had a crummy day and it was all my fault.  But after I made such a big about it, it’s hard to say I’m sorry. 😉

The correct answer for you guys out there, even if you have to lie (of course don’t let her know you are lying) is…..Honey, you are gorgeous, beautiful and really hot, of course you are not fat!  Well you get the picture.  if you stray from my suggestion, consider yourself warned!

Write a Letter

When I was kid I used to love going to the mail with my mom to check it. I always had this hope that I’d get something in the mail. I never did but occasionally near my birthday I would or once a month I’d get my highlights book. But other than that, I had no reason really to think something was coming for me. Now that I’m grown all the mail is for me but it’s not the kind I want to get. Yet I still find myself opening it thinking that maybe today I’ll get a check in the mail or a letter from a friend that’s nice and long. So I decided that I should. I wrote myself a letter. I talked about the kids, what I was afraid of and how things were going. I wrote of how much I loved my family and what our plans were. And I mailed me a letter.

When it arrived, I had forgotten about it. But when I sat to read it, it was strange to see my life in print, to read it like it was another person, to see it examined in such a matter of fact way. And it made the little things I worried about seem trivial. I found myself wondering, ‘Will she make it to Disney? Will her writing get published? I hope the kids are doing okay and that they’re happy. Will the teen get her driver’s permit on the first try? I decided that getting mail was good. I decided that writing my life was good.

When I was angry about something I wrote it in a letter and I mailed it to my “good friend”. When I received her letter in the mail I laughed at how trivial it seemed, what I was angry about. So I wrote her so. I noted at how people can come to their own conclusions and can learn and grow on their own. I reminded her of the great things she had in her family and her sense of right and wrong. And I sent it to her. My letters became unexpected notes to learn and grow by. Because what we mail is important. We don’t mail letters that are boring about cleaning out our finger nails. We write what we find to be the meat and potatoes of what’s going on. We reserve the US Postal service for only the important things. So what I get in the mail, I know I must read. Information from the past me to the future me, with perspective and distance, to stop and ponder. Are you feeling confused? Do you need an answer, need to make a decision? Want to create and can’t find the subject? Ask yourself in a letter. Mail it and see what happens when you open and read it. Your answer comes, in the mail. Need to deal with something later and afraid you’ll forget? Send a reminder to yourself in the mail on a postcard. And tell yourself how much you love and miss you. Tell yourself how much you love spending time with you and how funny you are. Wish yourself was here. Are you here? Be here now, checking the mail and fully aware that you are here. I dare you. Watch the transforming power of letting future you solve your problems, answer your questions and be your therapist. She’s full of wisdom and she’s funny. I miss her, do you? Don’t worry, you’ll see her in a few days! Why not write her and tell her so?

Sometimes, my kids get into it! They make a picture or drawing or write their name and tell me something “secret” and sweet and we mail it. They look for it to come in the mail. When it arrives, they grab it and say “Open it!, Open it!” And it always makes me smile to see their writing or pictures, I remember sitting at the table, their making this. I see my future when I find this piece of paper and remember their smiles as they see me read it now. What a great record, what a great time making them, what a great time finding them in my mail box! Dad needs his own. Grandma needs hers and my kids need theirs. Time to buy more markers! And time to write me a letter telling me about how much I love these letters from my kids!

 

The Author

Teresa Bondora counsels others on the realities of losing weight, and support in the sciences. Check out her book and web site online at www.HowToTeachScience.com

Top “40” Things to do to Enjoy Life

Recently I received an email from a friend of mine listing the top 10 things in order to enjoy life more. As I sat there and read the list I thought of 100’s of more things I could add to that list. I figure that if each of us, who read this blog do at least 10 of these a day, we would be happier, healthier and have fuller lives, regardless of how happy, healthy and full our lives are already ;). According to the “ripple effect” we would then act differently, be friendlier, happier and more upbeat then we usually are and thereby the people whose lives we touch each day would also benefit from our enthusiasm and pass it on, and so on and so on and so on. (Remember the movie “pay it forward”? if not rent it, its worth the seeing)

Here are my top 40 things I think you give us all HUGE benefits:

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows so you can get more sleep each night
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, “My purpose is to ___________today.”
5. Live with the three “E’s”: Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
6. Play more games and read more books then you did last year
7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They are the things our souls need for fuel each day.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake
10. Eat more food that is grown on plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water, eat fish, broccoli, almonds and walnuts
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day
13. Clear clutter from your house, office, car and let energy flow better
14. Do not waste energy on gossip, past issues, negative thoughts, or things you cannot control. Invest your energy in positive, life affirming moments and live in the present, here and now.
15. Eat breakfast like a King, lunch like a Prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Smile and laugh more, it will keep negative thoughts and blues away
18. Learn that life is not fair, but it is still good
19. Life it too short to waste time hating anyone
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does
21. You don’t have to win every argument, agree to disagree
22. Make peace with your past, so it does not spoil the present and pack the garbage away so you don’t have extra unnecessary baggage
23. Do not compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
25. Frame every “so called” disaster with these words, “will it really matter in 5 years?”
26. Forgive everyone for everything
27. Do not care what other people think of you, dance like no one is watching
28. Remember a higher power heals everything, and only gives us what we have the strength to deal with. Its our journeys destiny to find that strength to deal with things life puts in our path
29. However good or bad a situation, it will surely change
30. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick, your friends will. Stay in touch
31. Get rid of anything that is not useful, beautiful or joyful
32. Envy is a waste of time, you already have the things you need
33. The best is yet to come
34. No matter how you feel, GET UP, DRESS UP and SHOW UP
35. ALWAYS do the right thing
36. Call your family often, or email them to death! 😉
37. Each night before bedtime, complete the following statements, “I am thankful for ___________. Today I accomplished _____________”.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed. (even in the simplest form, you are able to read this on a computer when many people in the world cannot afford a computer, or electricity!)
39. Remember this is not Disney World and you definitely do not want a “Fast Pass”. You only have one life, so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. When feeling overwhelmed, stressed or depressed, look at something beautiful and take a deep breath and just think how beautiful is it to be alive.

Making dreams become reality

There have been a ton of books and videos on making your dreams come true and living the life you want. While some of the things I have read are rubbish, they do contain some valid points. After hearing all about the book and movie The Secret, I decided to get the dvd version and watch it. I had some friends come over and we made it into an event after the kids left for school one morning. I was really excited about seeing it and discovering what the secret to having the life you want was. After the movie, I maintained my excitement and began creating my own dream board. I placed it in an area in my home where I would see it everyday.

Now being in my business, it is sometimes hard to maintain the excitement I need to maintain to have a good day. Things happen in real life, like my kids fighting with one another, my washer not working and having to drag my clothes to the laundromat, my freezer freezing up on my with ice covering every morsel of food in there. When everyone is off to school and I am in my home office trying to start my day, believe it or not all I have to do is really sit and look at my “dream board” for a couple seconds. If I want those things on my dream board to become reality it is up to me to make that happen. I get on the phone and start doing my business keeping myself motivated. Does that motivation come from only the dream board and from the Secret dvd I had watched the other day? Maybe. The drive to make things happen that I want in my life comes from within me. If there is something that you really want, if you really focus on it, you can and will make it happen.

Did you ever have one of those days that starts off bad and just keeps getting worse? Well it is quite possible that you stay focused on that bad thing that happened to you and for some strange reason other things that are less then desirable continue happening to you throughout the day. This is what they talk about in the dvd The Secret.

Whatever the reason from my own personal experience, when I motivate myself and feel good about things during the day, more good comes from it. When I start the day off by saying, I got out of the bed on the wrong side, the day is reflected in that sentiment. My point is, we all have the ability to manifest the things we want in our lives. Nothing falls into our lap, we have to make those things happen for ourselves.

Try being positive throughout the day and see what happens. I know that every minute of everyday we cannot focus on always being positive, but try this trick. Get an elastic band and put it around your wrist, when you find yourself in a negative thought, pull that elastic band and let it snap on your wrist. Use that snap as a reminder to change your thought pattern and make it more positive. Studies have shown that by by doing this, within 30 days of using this method, your thought pattern can will change.

If you try this method, please let us know how it works for you.

How do deal with cheating

At the end of the day, we are all humans, we all make mistakes, we all hurt other people. I always say that I would never forgive a cheating significant other, but the truth is that I’ve never being in that kind of situation, maybe it is because I try to always keep love alive in the relation and to me while there is love, it won’t be cheating; probably is just because I try to keep communication on my relationships, enough to let my significant other tell me about his feelings, about his doubts and sort things out before it is so late that there’s cheating.

While some people like me think that cheating is a failure of the relationship, other people think that cheating is just a mistake, a crisis like any other one in a couple’s life. I’ve seen many couples live happy forever even after that kind of situation. I always wondered how could they make it, and it turns out that there are ways to make it work.

If you cheated on your significant other, or if you just found out that your significant other cheated on you, and you are willing to still make the relationship work, here are a few tips you should consider:

TIP 1: Say the truth. It doesn’t matter what was the nature of the affair you or your partner had, it is very important that the straying partner come clean about the entirety of the affair. Whether it might seem cruel or unnecessary, it is important that your couple trusts you again.

TIP 2: Avoid details. While I suggested before to tell the truth, is not necessary to give graphic or explicit details. It is very important that you or your cheating couple be honest, but too much explicitly might just be cruel and can hurt your couple’s feelings.

TIP 3: Limit the amount of outbursts. Once you or your couple decided to forgive infidelity, it is important that the grieving process ends fast. Otherwise the whole center of the relationship will be the blame for the mistakes.I do think that the guilty partner deserves at some point some kind of punishment, you should be careful don’t end up punishing yourself with a bad mood and inability to trust again. If you or your partner feel that the grieving period is longer than it is supposed to be and the relationship does not go forward, I would suggest a couple’s counseling service or just finish the relationship for everybody’s happiness.

TIP 4: Discover the reason of the cheating. There are many reasons for infidelity, to my believe probably the most common causes of infidelity is the need to feel special, loved and attractive. I personally don’t think there’s reason big enough to lead a partner to cheat, but if you are willing to forget the whole situation, the most important step to take is to find the deep reasons to the cheating that usually go way deeper than: “I was drunk”. If you can’t decide the real cause of the cheating, again I suggest you to find a couple’s counseling specialist.

I do think that a relationship can work after one of the couple cheated. I won’t way it’s easy, but if there’s love, commitment and confidence, those are enough reasons to give it a try and overcome the crisis.

Do you have any other advice?

Finding Inner Peace

So many times we are overwhelmed by just daily living and the stresses of it. I would like to be able to find inner peace like so many other people out there. What I find is my biggest problem is actually finding the time for ME. Finding time to explore my inner peace.

Inner peace is having a sense of abundance. That does not mean having a lot of money, a lot of friends or anything of the sort, it is finding peace within yourself, soul searching. It’s a “state of being” we can all accomplish if we just take the time. It also requires a bit of patience in a world of immediate gratification.

To find inner peace you need to be in a relaxed environment. My place of relaxation is on the beach. Being I live on the East Coast in the mid Atlantic states, we do not get to enjoy the beach as often as warmer regions of the states. So I imagine being on the beach, by closing my eyes and hearing the waves of the ocean in my mind. I put myself in this place when I have 5 minutes of alone time.

The biggest obstacle of finding this peace are anxieties from the past, present and future. When our minds are racing and we are thinking of all the things we have to get done, we can never truly experience the “here and now”, how sad being that life is so short. That is why it is so important for me to take this 5 minutes every day, it kind of centers me and connects me to me and my surroundings.

The first step in finding inner peace is to be thankful, thankful for all the things you have in your life. Thankful for the abundance in your life. It can be as simple as being able to log into your computer to have time to read blogs, or thankful that the sun is shining, or as complex as thankful that you overcame a life threatening illness. When you are being and thinking about things you are thankful for, you are living in the moment.

The key is shutting off your mind to everything else that is making you crazy. The day to day things need to take a back seat, just for a little while to allow you to be in “the moment”. Inner peace is only available to those who have the ability to turn off all the noise in their mind. Inner peace has to be a conscience choice, an inner desire but everyone is capable if they want it bad enough.

Be responsible for your own thoughts, emotions, actions and words. Learn from life’s lessons instead of blaming or crediting others for things happening in your world. Practice praising yourself, no matter how difficult the task may seem, after doing it a few times it will come easy.

For more on inner peace you can check out this site. It has some wonderful tips on inner peace and achieving it.

Dating Stress

Dating can be a source of stress for many people, not only women, but men also feel stressed when going in a date.

There are a few tips that can help us feel a little bit more comfortable while on a date with our prospective Mr./Ms. Right.

If you find yourself thinking that maybe you are not his/her type during a date. Then you should think back and remember what I said in a previous post, think of a date as a job interview where you are the one making the questions. That way you’ll be just watching at him trying to impress you, and you’ll be enjoying the date.

If you are the kind of person who is always afraid of doing something embarrassing, then you should just relax and think of the embarrassing moment as a test. By seeing him/her reacting to help you or laugh at you will give you an early opinion about your date’s human side. Remember that nobody is perfect, nobody will be perfect during the date and at the same moment you are thinking about doing something embarrassing, you are wasting time that you are supposed to use in enjoy the date.

Some people go on a date thinking about the other as if he/she was “the one”, and some other people just worry that they might not like their date. Here is what you should do, relax and take a date just like a fun moment with someone that might or might not be “the one”. Before of during the date you should never think about the future. You shouldn’t worry if you want to see him/her again or not, just wait until the date is over and then decide if you want to see him/her again. Never play games. If you really do want to see him/her, then let him/her know, but if you don’t really want to see him/her, is better to tell him/her in that moment. You can be very polite and the other person will appreciate your honesty and will feel safe that you are not playing games. So stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present!

These are just some of the stressing thinking most people have during a date. You should feel relieved that you are not the only one having them, and by identifying them and finding a way to forget about it, you’ll be able to enjoy your date 100%.

What are your other dating stressing ideas?

The Men We Don’t Want

Women are all different; we all like different kinds of men. But in general there are always a few characteristics that women don’t like in men.

We don’t want needy men. Is sweet to feel that a man needs us on his life, but is just unacceptable a needy man who “can’t live” without us. We don’t like men who want all our attention and affection. We want men who can give us also affection, a man who is confident and secure, that can take care of us.
We don’t want men who can’t take a break up. This might seems like if we are looking too much into the future, or that we are already predicting a bad ending, but a man’s reaction to a break up, says a lot about his personality and behavior. Is very nice to have a man who suffers from a break up, but is not a good sign a guy to just stop living when a woman decides to break up with him. I’ve seen some of my male friends getting destroyed, devastated by a break up, some of them want the woman to feel sorry for them, they act miserable, sick or depressed. I don’t mean to be harsh and I know some women do the same, but be aware of a man who can’t take a break up.
We don’t want a jealous man. To me is very sweet when a man feels a little bit jealous, that means he is afraid to lose you and that he cares about you. But there’s a difference between that simple jealousy and the sick kind of jealousy. I can’t accept a man who doesn’t let me talk to any other man, who doesn’t let me go out alone, who checks my emails and phone calls, that wants me to stay home all day. I’m sure that many women don’t want that either, so we have to be aware of early signals that our guy is the jealous type. If since your first date he is constantly asking you: “who were you talking to?”; if he insists on having your email password, if he checks your cloths every time you go out, think carefully before is too late.

We don’t want an abusive man. This specific topic have been talked about many times, but is still one of the most common mistakes we women make, we ignore and accept abusive men. I’m not talking about all women, but I know of many women who think they deserve to be hit or punished by their boyfriends and husbands. If you are like me who don’t want to accept a man to mistreat us, then you should also be aware of the early signals of an abusive man. First signal is usually the previous entry “jealous men”. Most extremely jealous men end up being abusive to their couples. Men with anger management problems usually tend to be abusive. If you realize that your guy usually loses his temper with other people, even if he hasn’t started with you yet, you should always watch that you might be the next victim.

If you are not completely sure of what kind of man you don’t want in your life, then start by readying what kind of man you DON’T want in your life. That way you can start by discriminating all man who enters in those categories. I don’t want to be too strict, but we women should love ourselves and find the right guy for us. We need guy that makes us happy and treats us like princesses.

How to keep your man happy?

Sometimes we woman complain how our men go for adventures or go to find pleasure somewhere else when we are here ready to love them and please them. But the real question is: Are we really here for them?
The truth is that at some point of every relationship, sex gets boring and routine takes over. That does not mean at all that love is gone, love is hopefully still there, so we just need to find a way to spicy relationships up. Romantic escapades, role-play, games…. all those can be really good ideas for spice your sex life.

I was reading a very interesting article about what keeps a man crazy in love, some of the ideas were just too silly but some other ideas I found really interesting. I was specially intrigued by the STRIP idea. I always wonder what’s with guys and strippers? I guess I can’t ever find the right answer, I have never tried it but I think is actually sound fun to do, when it is with the person you really love, when there’s trust and enough intimacy.

Here’s a simple guide to a perfect strip that I found on the article:
“How: Visualize yourself strutting your stuff in a way you can be comfortable with, advises Lily Burana, a former stripper and author of Strip City, an account of her farewell take-it-off tour: “Maybe something kittenish, coy and old-fashioned — all feather fans and boas,” she says. “Or something bold and crazy, like pole dancing, or more 1930s cabaret.” This will help get you in the mood for show time, and only when you feel sexy, Burana explains, can you act sexy. Attitude trumps attire here, so no need to drop a bundle on that Elizabeth Berkley costume. Instead opt for clothing with easy closures (snaps, not buttons) or no closures, such as a simple sexy slip.

Music is optional; rehearsal is not. “Do a dry run, just you and the mirror, testing out moves,” says Burana, like slinking with your arms above your head, slowly twirling, maybe teasingly flashing a little flesh. “Dance for a while, then practice sliding the straps of the slip off your shoulders and pulling it down over your hips or up over your head,” she says. “When you feel comfortable with the movements, they start to look good.”

Embarrassed? Shy? This will help: “Keep on your feather boa or scarf — which makes a great prop anyway — or your bra or panties,” says Burana. “Plenty of strippers have made a mint by holding something back, so it’s not just a good psychological comfort, it’s a great gimmick!”

Guide to happiness

I’ve seen many times people that just look happy all the time without any apparent reason, while some other people who has everything that is supposed to bring them happiness just don’t seem at all content with their life. I was thinking about the topic in general and then I suddenly found myself: What does really make us happy? How do you know if someone is really happy? How are you supposed to show your happiness?

I can keep going on with thousands of questions that are just hard and even impossible to answer in a right way. What is true is that we have all experienced happiness and contentment with our life when we less expected, when everything else is going wrong and especially when it seems wrong to be happy.

I think that the most important quality of the human being is the ability to find happiness within inside our hearts.

Sometimes we just think back at the moments when we were really happy in the past and just by thinking about them we feel completely happy.

Everybody find happiness, fulfillment and content in different ways. Here are a few examples of those activities, practices and life characteristics that can help us fulfill our hopes of happiness and take us a long rewarding life filled with special moment.

Love: You should love with all your heart. Love your family, your job, your pet, your friends, your couple, your country… Love everything that surrounds you. Even if you’ve been hurt in the past, don’t let the pain or the fear stop you from being happy. If you really open your heart to happiness and life, there might be some painful moments, but I can assure you that the real happy and full of love moments will always be more than the sad ones.

Get involved in different activities: All kind of mind-related or physical activities are an important part of our life. They help us stay fit, alert and informed. They create a sense of belonging, of friendship with like-minded people and especially they make you different and special. These activities can be very different for every different person; they can go from stones collection to yoga, from dancing group to marathon group. Just find something that fulfills you and makes you happy.

Be a good example for others: Be kind, polite and an example not only for younger people but for older people too. You should have principles and stand up for what you believe and for what is right. So other people will look at you as an example of sincerity, thoughtfulness and caring.

Be thankful: You should appreciate and accept all of your blessings. Life is a real blessing, so love your life and thank everyday for being alive. If sometimes you feel like there’s nothing to be thankful about, think of your lovely and caring family, think of your good health, of your good job or the opportunity to study, think of all your friends that are there to love you, help you and support you… if all this is not enough, think of the blessing of just being alive, think of the blessing of your vision, of your complete body. There are many different things you should be thankful.

Avoid anger and sadness: Anger is a really bad state that usually ends up on losing friends, family and even our couple. Angry people usually lose control of the situation, which they usually regret. So when you are feeling like getting angry, take a deep breath and relax, or just get away from the anger trigger situation. Sadness is also a really bad state that pulls people away from you. The same way you should avoid anger and sadness, you should avoid angry and sad people, they’ll only make you feel worst.

Set self-discipline: This really means, learning to say “no” to situation that might damage you physically and mentally. Control your life with your thoughts and intelligence. Learn to set limits to yourself, learn to auto criticize and auto punish yourself when you do something that is against your believes or against your responsibilities. Learn to respect other people’s boundaries and individuality. This self-discipline ability will help you achieve everything you want and adapt to all kinds of situations.

Think positive: Even when things are going bad, think positive, it’s easier to become discouraged and always hope for the worst, than to keep a positive hopeful attitude in all kind of situations. When you have financial problems, health concerns and even personal troubles, think of all of your life achievements, friendships and other assets, this will help you recover your positive state of mind.

I hope this few easy steps can help you live a happier life and if you think this is a useful topic, I can keep giving other ideas for a happy life. Remember that you should always look for happiness inside of you.

What other advices can you give to be happy?